The Grooms' Role

     Contrary to previous rumors, grooms do have more to do than just "show up at the church on time".  There may be some who choose not to be involved in the wedding planning process, but many of today's grooms are interested in helping to plan this milestone moment in their lives.  They want to make the wedding itself a truly shared experience.  Anna Post assembled the list below for the Emily Post Web site.
     Each of these "duties" will not only help the wedding planning process, but will truly make the groom feel more a part of the plans.  He certainly can help searching out and selecting the venue for the ceremony and reception, establishing the budget, creating the guest list, making gift registry selections and the critical job of keeping his parents in the loop regarding wedding plans.
     In addition to these functions, the groom's list includes:

• Selecting the engagement ring - though these days brides may also be involved in selection.
• Choosing his wedding party - best man, groomsmen and ushers.
• Choosing the attire for the groom's wedding party - in keeping with the style of the wedding.
• Selecting the thank you gifts for his wedding party.
• Selecting the bride's wedding gift.
• Compiling the groom's part of the guest list and making sure that his parents provide their guest list in a timely manner.
• Choosing the wedding bands together. 
• Arranging for and purchasing the marriage license.
• Arranging for transportation from the ceremony to the reception site.
• Standing in the receiving line and greeting all the guest at the reception.
• Dancing the first dance with the bride, dancing with the couple's respective mothers and the maid/matron of honor.
• Making appropriate toasts at both the rehearsal dinner and the reception.

   

Toast

     Weddings inspire lots of toasts!  The first one may be difficult but as the reception or dinner progresses, toasts are offered all around.
     Toast can make one anxious or nervous if not practiced in advance, so like any speech to be given in public, we always encourage those making the toast to be prepared and avoid "winging" their remarks.  The toast maker needs to recognize that his/her remarks are to offer congratulations to the couple.  They may be humorous or touching or congratulatory.  Whichever is chosen, they need to be given in good taste.

Who may toast.

• The father of the bride proposes the first toast to his daughter and future son-in-law at the engagement party.
• The host or the father of the groom proposed the first toast to the bride and groom at the rehearsal party.
• The best man proposed the first toast to the bride and groom at the wedding reception.  After the best man has completed his toast, everyone except the bride and the groom rise and drink to it.

     After the best man's toast, the groom usually responds with thanks to his best man and a toast or two of his own - to the bride, to his parents, to his new in-laws.  If the bride wishes she may then rise and offer her own toast to her husband and/or to her new family.

     Other members of the wedding party may then propose additional toasts if they wish.

     All guest present (except the person being toasted) should raise their glasses to each toast. 

     At the end of the toasts, the best man may read aloud any congratulatory telegrams or letters or emails sent by absent friends and relatives.

     If one has no idea where to start, we suggest finding a marriage related quote around which an appropriate toast may be built.  THE OXFORD DICTIONARY OF QUOTATIONS, is a good place to start, as is a careful search of web pages that specialize in wedding appropriate toasts.

     One of our favorites is the Apache wedding blessing.

     "Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other.

      Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth for the other. 

      Now there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be a companion to the other. 

      Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you.

      May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years.

      May happiness be your companion and your days together be good and long upon the earth."

Introductions

Brides often ask us to explain the proper way to introduce the wedding party at the reception.  Our first suggestion is to insure that the post ceremony pictures be taken as quickly as possible so that guest can be greeted without a long delay.  Guests should be served appetizers and something to drink while they are waiting for the bridal party to arrive.  If both sets of parents are going to be held at the church for a bit, it is wise to ask a someone (friend or relative) to serve as host and hostess until parents and the bridal party arrive at the reception site.  Once the bridal entourage arrives at the reception, the bandleader or maitre d' asks everyone to stand while he introduces them.  Since the bride and groom are the stars of the event, they are introduced last.  Parents of the bride, parents of the groom, the bridesmaids and groomsmen, the best man and maid of honor are in this order.  Be sure to check names for correct spelling and pronunciations when providing the information to the person in charge of introductions.

Our wedding coordinators can offer other suggestions and ideas to make your wedding day as magical as you dreamed.

With This Ring

     We think the history behind the wedding traditions we've come to know is fascinating.  For example, the engagement process was nearly as important as the wedding itself.  Weddings were arranged primarily for political and/or business reason and not necessarily for the notion of "romantic love".
     In the days when brides were stolen, the bride's family would insist on being reimbursed for what was considered a working member of the family.  The engagement signified the transfer of ownership from father to husband and covered a period of time during which families would negotiate and agree on the "price" of the bride.
     The wedding band came to symbolize eternal love because it has neither a beginning nor an ending.  The tradition of using one grew out of the ancient custom of using circlets of grass to decorate a bride's wrist and ankles.  Although not required to validate a marriage under civil law, rings came to be required during the 16th century after a ruling from the Council of Trent.
     Today, rings are not required by law in order for a marriage to be legal, but few couples wed without exchanging rings as part of the ceremony.  I myself, vote for the diamond don't you ladies!!!

A Few Don'ts

     As society changes, so do the social amenities that prevailed.  But class is class and some things we see done in the name of the "princess bride's wishes" remain in poor taste.
     A bridal store reported having a bride ask how to let her guests know that she wanted all of them to dress in black or white or a combination of both.  Her wedding theme was that of a black and white ball and she didn't want it ruined by someone in a blue suit or a colorful print dress.  The store gave her good advice - "You Can't"! One doesn't tell people what to wear anymore than one would tell a hostess what kind of food to serve.  The bride can control the dress of the wedding party, but that is all. She had heard that phrase, "It's the brides day", but had to learn that it didn't mean everyone must bow to her wishes.  Friends can spread the word but no demands must be made.
     Another store reported dealing with a bride who wanted 250 guest to attend her wedding but she planned to walk away from the ceremony and to save money, meet 45 of her favorite guests for a sit down dinner at a restaurant.  The advice to her was Don't Do It!  She was advised that it would be far better to serve light refreshments to all guest following the ceremony.  This would give everyone a chance to extend their best wishes to the couple and socialize with others in attendance.  If she wished to celebrate with a special group of friends, she should do it after the official reception.  The guiding principle here is that a couple should never do anything to show preferences for one guest over another.
     The same advice holds for brides who insist on adding corner copy to their wedding invitation that reads:  Cash Gifts Preferred.  Granted, more and more couples would prefer cash as a help for a down payment on a house for instance, but that does not  mean it is okay to to include on the invitation to the ceremony.  That kind of news needs to be spread by word of mouth by the bride's family and friends, or may be included in the web-site if one has been created.  This kind of request is known in some circles as doing a "Kardashian".
     Let our experienced consultants help you solve puzzles and questions as they arise in the course of your planning needs.

Setting the Date

     He asked and you said"yes".  Congratulations to you both.  Your engagement period signals the beginning of a wonderful and exciting time in your lives.   Where to start?  Setting the date!
     As you consider various dates, times and places for your wedding, here are some points to think about.
     Think about your budget.  It is true that some months are more expensive than others. (Think about the Law of Supply and Demand you learned in Econ 101).  In popular months (usually May through September) some reception locations, photographers, florists and bands may charge more for their services.  If you can wait for a less crowded month, you may be able to stage the same wedding for less money.
     Think about the season.  If you have been dreaming of a Christmas wedding your whole life, then go for it.  But think about the time needed for preparations and plan accordingly.  If you want a certain church, a certain reception site and a certain gown and flowers, you have to adjust time frames.  Your answer is to book early and be prepared to be flexible on dates and /or times.
     If you are on a fast track at work or have a job that requires huge blocks of your time, be sure to engage the services of a professional wedding consultant.  We will end up saving you both time and sanity (and maybe even money).
     Consider scheduling your wedding around a holiday.  That can give you both a theme for the wedding and time for your out of town guests to attend.
     If your plans include a destination wedding, you will need to be more flexible in your dates and times.  Decide which is more important - the date of the wedding or the place of the wedding.  Once that decision is made, you can proceed.
     Our wedding planners are used to working with schedules and helping busy brides create a schedule for your event and follow through with all details necessary to create a day to remember for you and your guest.

Let the PLANNING BEGIN!!

Wedding Etiquette: Cost Saving Ideas

The National Retail Federation commissioned a survey on consumer spending conducted by a major research firm.  There were many economic indicators that tended to vary by product area.  But when asked to summarize the findings, the conclusion was "spend where you need to, save where you can."  This is good advice for our brides.  Couples coming to us for ideas on how to save money without hurting their wedding dreams find wonderful and practical ideas.


We always counsel our brides to be aware of ways to either bring costs down or keep them in check.  Done in the right places, there are many ways to save on costs and take nothing away from the wedding they have planned.  


Because it is the most costly aspect of most wedding plans, major savings can be realized through reception adjustments.  We recommend that our brides consider the following ideas.

• Look for a location that both fits the occasion and requires very little decorating enhancements.  Many spots are fine the way they are.  If brides wish to add decor, most event planners would agree that creating one large decorative element is not only dramatic, but also more budget friendly than a dozen smaller elements scattered around the room. 
• When considering decorating options, always picture the room full.  We counsel brides not to spend excess dollars on decor items that only the first few guests walking into the room will see.  
• During receptions, caterers will say that people tend to take less food if it is passed by the waitstaff than if it is placed on a buffet table. The same is true of champagne or other beverages.  The good news about this is that less food or liquor can be ordered and guests still feel pampered
• If it is important to the couple to serve a sit down dinner, we suggest that instead of ordering just one high-end entree they order half portions of tow main entree items.  FOr example, combining half portions of prime rib and chicken breast helps to bring down the cost per plate while offering guests a selection with depth. 
• One consultant suggests ordering sandwiches for entertainers and servers instead of the full banquet meal, and having them set up in a separate room from wedding guests.  It gives the staff a place to "get away" for a break and proves food that they can "grab and go" if needed.  For more "invisible" ways to manage costs at your reception talk to one of our experienced consultants.

Elegant Beginnings