Bridezillas Are Wrong

       We all realize that the bride and groom are the focal points of this very special day.  The wedding and its celebration are milestones in individual lives and family memories.  It is a significant social and personal event that deserves the attention given it.

        But what many of us have learned is that the weddings that are most remembered are those which consider the family and friends who will be joining the couple in celebrating the event.

         Here are some ways brides and grooms can focus on guest and family.

• Remember to treat attendants like the friends they are - not servants.  They are expending time and treasure to celebrate with you.  Certainly they are there to support your wishes, but not to grant your every whim.  Consideration and gratitude are welcome gifts to wedding party participants.
• When you are developing your gift registries, remember to include items for all price ranges.  Friends and family members want to give you a nice gift.  Spending time making some thoughtful choices.
• Select reception food that most guests will enjoy.  If you are planning an ethnic specialty, be sure to include an alternative.  Not every guest will welcome unfamiliar food.
• If music is to be played during cocktails and/or dinner, make sure it is back ground music soft enough so that people can hear themselves and others talk.
• If you are having a wedding with dancing, make sure that the band plays some "golden oldies" so that parents and/or grandparents and their friends can dance too.
• Don't micro manage everything.  Once plans are in place let vendors you've hired do what you hired them to do.
• For everyone's sake, try to limit the time delay between the end of the ceremony and the start of the reception to one hour or less.  If it must be longer, arrange something for the guests to do while they are awaiting your arrival. No one wants to go home and come back again.
• Remember that this is one of the biggest parties you and your family will ever give.  Make it memorable for your guest.  Give me a call at 850-814-7526 or email me at planyourwedding@aol.com if you need help planning your special day.

Rehearsal or not?

     Unless you are planning to elope or get married by a judge in his/her chambers, you and your wedding party are going to participate in a wedding rehearsal.  Even if you have been a bridesmaid in six weddings of friends, this is your wedding and you will want a run through.

     What are the things you will want to cover:

• The order of the processional and recessional:who goes with who and who stands where and for how long.
• Where the photographer and videographer will be located as well as any musicians who may be part of the ceremony.
• What music will be played - when and for how long.
• Who will cue the wedding party to enter and exit.
• The officiant's instructions and cues for vows, reading, music and movement.
• The duties of the flower girl, ring bearer; best man and maid of honor.

     Who will run the rehearsal?

• It's usually handled by the wedding planner you have been working with and/or the wedding coordinator from the church or synagogue where you will be married.
• The officiant will have input and the final word
• You may want to ask a family member or friend to oversee the rehearsal to make sure all the questions are covered, but be careful not to choose someone who could be at home on a battlefield.  These are not orders to be given, but friendly and caring requests.

     You are about to star in the biggest "show" you've ever been in.  No show goes to Broadway without weeks of rehearsals. You are only asking for your bridal party's attention for one hour or so and then they will be fed and thanked at your rehearsal dinner.  Make both parts of the evening festive.

Questions for a Wedding Planner

Should you hire a wedding planner or are you preparing to do it all yourself? Most busy working brides today need to the help of a professional planner - for all or part of their weddings.  A professional wedding planner's advice and expertise can save time, money and sanity so don't dismiss the idea out of hand.

When you meet with a wedding planner to talk about how much or how little you need him/her to do for your wedding, here are six key questions you should ask to guide that informational meeting.

1.  Here the vendors and venues I am considering using.   Do you know anything about them? Who are your favorites and why?  

The planner can often give you some good feedback about particular vendors and /or steer you away from potential trouble.

2.  How many weddings of my size have you done?

If you are planning on a small intimate gathering and the planner specializes in huge society weddings, you two may not be a good match.

3.  If I hire you for my wedding, what is your role and what is mine?

It is a good idea to have charity around who is responsible for what and in a tight situation, who has the final say.  Do you need to have the planner clear every little detail with you or can he/she make decisions based on early parameters you two have established?

4.  How many weddings do you do each month?  Do you have enough staff to cover all weddings you book?

You don't want to be one of a multitude in June if the planner doesn't have the staff to handle all of its commitments.

5.  Ask for a client and vendor list and ask if you may call them for references.

6.  Ask for an explanation of how he/she charges.  Is there a flat rate, a sliding scale, extra charges for add on's?

7.  Do you belong to any professional organizations?

Associations such as Weddings Beautiful Worldwide have helped increased the value, and raise the professional standards of wedding planners everywhere.

The goal of all good wedding planners is to save you time and ...and most importantly for you to enjoy one perfect day!

Great New Venue for receptions in Rosemary Beach!

If you are looking for a Wedding on the beach, or on a beautiful grassy area overlooking the beach, with a Reception inside Tommy Crow Studio's is the perfect location!

Using Technology

     Brides who are used to communicating with electronic "tools" may be tempted to "do it all" with technology when they think of wedding planning.  We caution our brides to take a careful look at the world of Eplanning.  There simply are times when the bride needs to leave the keyboard or apps and do some of her planning face to face.

     The Internet will be a help in searching out reception sites that may fit one's budget, but a bride simply must check it out in person.  She may be able to hear music played by a band she is considering , but nothing beats meeting the group in person.  

     Cake makers can show photographs of some of their creations on line, but until you've tasted the actual product, how can you decide?

     Ordering your wedding gown or bridesmaid's dresses on line is also a bad idea.  Sizing and quality can vary widely so you and your maids should try on your gown choices before making a purchase.  To assure that gowns will be in on time, don't risk ordering from an online resource.  Shop a reputable store that stands behind its merchandise.

     Before registering online for wedding gifts, we recommend that you meet with an expert sales associate at a major retailer.  They have years of experience helping couples select registry items.

     Bride may be tempted to send "virtual invitations", but once again we caution brides against that.  Use the Internet to enter pertinent information about your wedding but plan to send printed invitations.  As one bride put it, "I may be old fashioned, but there is a touch of class I want associated with my wedding and an electronic invitation doesn't cut it."

     We advise our brides to be careful about disclosing information about their weddings on the social networks.  Here we feel that "less is more".  Certainly share the joy of the upcoming wedding but don't constantly post updates on the status of your plans.  Don't go overboard posting photos.  A select few are a nice touch.  Too many will leave a bad impression.

Guest Tips! What should I wear to the wedding?

     Your college roommate is getting married in June.  Your cousin is getting married in July.  A co-worker is planning an August wedding.  While the bridal couple may be knee deep in planning, guest have a role to play in helping the couple have a wonderful wedding.  Guest are invited to provide public witness to the legal ceremony taking place and to help the newly wedded celebrate the importance of the steps they have taken.  Marriage is a public statement indicating the new legal status of the couple.
     While there aren't many "rules" about what it means to be a wedding guest, there are some time honored expectations and one question - what should I wear to the wedding - is real. While our culture may seem more casual than in decades past, this is still an important event that one honors by dressing appropriately.  Check the web page of the couple for clues to how formal the wedding is likely to be.  Ask members of the bridal party if you know them.  Here are some guidelines to help you decide.

• Don't dress to stand out.  Remember that the bride and groom are the stars of this production.
• Men should wear a tie (unless the wedding is at a beach somewhere)
• When in doubt, it is usually better to overdress rather than under dress
• Avoid any low cut, tight and /or skimpy dress.  Watch the sequins and the glitter.
• A black cocktail dress is okay, while white can be iffy.  If one does choose white, it is necessary to make sure that it looks nothing like a wedding gown.  Creamy white and simple style that is totally different from the gown is better.
• If the wedding is to be "informal" nailing down appropriate apparel can be tough.  Ask around to get a feeling of what other guests are planning.  Take a cue from where the ceremony is being held.  If it is in a large cathedral that will tell you one thing.  If it is in a party room at a horse ranch, you know that informal means something else.  If you get no clue from the ceremony location, try the reception spot next.  A country club cocktail reception will mean something quite different than a reception where beach volleyball will be the main entertainment.
• If the wedding is semi formal, it means that men should wear a suit and tie.  At one time dark suits were indicated, but that is relaxed now and tan or khaki suits are OK.  Women should wear a suit, a tailored dress or pant suit.  She could add some "bling" but don't overdo it.
• If a wedding is clearly a formal affair, men should wear tuxedos and women should wear cocktail dresses - long or short.

Whatever level of dress a guest decides upon, the other item to include is one's best manners.  This is an important day in the life of a couple and one honors them by behaving well.   Wearing one's best behavior is always in style.

Tips for the Bride on a Budget

     The results from The KNOT's 2011 BRIDAL FASHION STUDY indicates that for the majority of the 9,690 brides interviewed in the survey, the tough economic times "have not stopped brides from buying their dream dress."  (VOWS, January/February 2012)  Brides seem willing to cut back in other area's in order to buy the gown they want.
     What are some of the ways brides can save?
      They need to prioritize.  Figure out what matters most and allocate budgets accordingly.  These items should arise out of honest conversations between the bride, groom and their families.  Such discussions can make sure that what matters most is funded.
      Budgets need to be set.  Couples must figure out how much they can pay for individual items like flowers or receptions or photography and then communicate that to the vendors involved.  It works better if a dollar amount is mentioned rather than a price range.
      Consider your own resources.  Do you have unused frequent flyer miles that could cover honeymoon travel?  How about an uncle who collects classic cars?  Could he provide a unique and elegant ride between the church and reception for the bride and groom?  Do you know someone who "knows someone" who could get you a good price on quality champagne?
      Step outside the usual.  Rather than insisting on a Saturday night wedding, could you move to a Sunday?  It has always been an option but few brides used it.  Every time you choose times, places or options that few others are choosing, you'll save money in various ways.
      Rethink what your wedding means.  It is a special celebration for family and friends, not the way to pay back everyone who has ever invited you or your family to a party.  If you are thinking that your wedding is a way to impress people, think again.  Have it your way and keep it personal.
      Our certified consultants can help you find more ways to save and still have a beautiful and meaningful day.  Our Lavish Soiree Package is a great package to help you with your budget.  It includes our services in allocating your budget accordingly and keeping you on track!!

Role of the Wedding Planner

     If the bride and her family would like a stress free wedding, the solution is to hire a wedding planner.  If the wedding is to be at an out of town/destination wedding, then dependence on a planner at the venue to which the wedding party will be traveling is a must.  If the bride and the groom are planning a small intimate wedding and reception but the couple both have jobs that demand huge time commitments, a wedding planner can take the couple's wishes and instructions and produce exactly the event they envision.
     The term planner can cover a wide range of services.  In general the term refers to services provided by an individual, selected by the bride or her mother, to assist with some or all the details involved in the planning and implementing of an error-free, stress free rehearsal, ceremony and reception.  A plus feature in hiring a wedding planner or coordinator is that the bride can decide the level of service she desires and pay only for those services.
     Brides-to-be should determine the credentials of the planner they are considering.  They should check the training/certification that the planner has earned.   They should ask for references from two or three brides the planner has served and decide on the level of involvement they will require.  Maybe an initial consultation to help identify choices and set preliminary plans and schedules is enough for one couple.  Others may want a comprehensive package which covers time and advice on all aspects of the wedding plus vendor and site negotiations.
     Do make an appointment with one of our experienced consultants who can make a valuable and beautiful difference in YOUR wedding.

How to be a Good Guest

     An invitation is coming your way from a family member or a good friend or both.  It is an honor to be selected to help those close to you celebrate a wonderful part of their life.
     If you RSVP with a positive response, you become an official guest at this party.  You will no doubt bring a appropriate wedding gift, but did you know that another gift you give to the couple is the knowledge of how to be a good guest, and the wisdom to use that knowledge.
     Here is a checklist of do's and don't that you can follow to insure that your behavior will not cause the couple to grimace on their 10th anniversary as they recall events from their wedding.

Do

• Make sure to send your RSVP in a timely manner.
• Arrive at the wedding at least 15-20 minutes before the ceremony is to begin.
• Stay standing at the back of the church if you are going to be late.
• Keep your cell phone on silent.
• Dress appropriately.
• Have fun dancing but do not call attention to yourself or your partner.
• Respect the couple's wishes even if they aren't what you would choose.

Don't

• Change your mind about attending. Don't cancel and then show up anyway.
• Sit in a front row.  That is for immediate family only.
• Text or tweet or blog during the ceremony.
• Wear jeans or sweats unless requested by the couple.
• Get in the way of the professional photographer or videographer doing their job.
• Take ceremony or reception photos unless the couple approve.
• Trash talk the couple's choices.

The Grooms' Role

     Contrary to previous rumors, grooms do have more to do than just "show up at the church on time".  There may be some who choose not to be involved in the wedding planning process, but many of today's grooms are interested in helping to plan this milestone moment in their lives.  They want to make the wedding itself a truly shared experience.  Anna Post assembled the list below for the Emily Post Web site.
     Each of these "duties" will not only help the wedding planning process, but will truly make the groom feel more a part of the plans.  He certainly can help searching out and selecting the venue for the ceremony and reception, establishing the budget, creating the guest list, making gift registry selections and the critical job of keeping his parents in the loop regarding wedding plans.
     In addition to these functions, the groom's list includes:

• Selecting the engagement ring - though these days brides may also be involved in selection.
• Choosing his wedding party - best man, groomsmen and ushers.
• Choosing the attire for the groom's wedding party - in keeping with the style of the wedding.
• Selecting the thank you gifts for his wedding party.
• Selecting the bride's wedding gift.
• Compiling the groom's part of the guest list and making sure that his parents provide their guest list in a timely manner.
• Choosing the wedding bands together. 
• Arranging for and purchasing the marriage license.
• Arranging for transportation from the ceremony to the reception site.
• Standing in the receiving line and greeting all the guest at the reception.
• Dancing the first dance with the bride, dancing with the couple's respective mothers and the maid/matron of honor.
• Making appropriate toasts at both the rehearsal dinner and the reception.

   

Toast

     Weddings inspire lots of toasts!  The first one may be difficult but as the reception or dinner progresses, toasts are offered all around.
     Toast can make one anxious or nervous if not practiced in advance, so like any speech to be given in public, we always encourage those making the toast to be prepared and avoid "winging" their remarks.  The toast maker needs to recognize that his/her remarks are to offer congratulations to the couple.  They may be humorous or touching or congratulatory.  Whichever is chosen, they need to be given in good taste.

Who may toast.

• The father of the bride proposes the first toast to his daughter and future son-in-law at the engagement party.
• The host or the father of the groom proposed the first toast to the bride and groom at the rehearsal party.
• The best man proposed the first toast to the bride and groom at the wedding reception.  After the best man has completed his toast, everyone except the bride and the groom rise and drink to it.

     After the best man's toast, the groom usually responds with thanks to his best man and a toast or two of his own - to the bride, to his parents, to his new in-laws.  If the bride wishes she may then rise and offer her own toast to her husband and/or to her new family.

     Other members of the wedding party may then propose additional toasts if they wish.

     All guest present (except the person being toasted) should raise their glasses to each toast. 

     At the end of the toasts, the best man may read aloud any congratulatory telegrams or letters or emails sent by absent friends and relatives.

     If one has no idea where to start, we suggest finding a marriage related quote around which an appropriate toast may be built.  THE OXFORD DICTIONARY OF QUOTATIONS, is a good place to start, as is a careful search of web pages that specialize in wedding appropriate toasts.

     One of our favorites is the Apache wedding blessing.

     "Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other.

      Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth for the other. 

      Now there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be a companion to the other. 

      Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you.

      May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years.

      May happiness be your companion and your days together be good and long upon the earth."

Introductions

Brides often ask us to explain the proper way to introduce the wedding party at the reception.  Our first suggestion is to insure that the post ceremony pictures be taken as quickly as possible so that guest can be greeted without a long delay.  Guests should be served appetizers and something to drink while they are waiting for the bridal party to arrive.  If both sets of parents are going to be held at the church for a bit, it is wise to ask a someone (friend or relative) to serve as host and hostess until parents and the bridal party arrive at the reception site.  Once the bridal entourage arrives at the reception, the bandleader or maitre d' asks everyone to stand while he introduces them.  Since the bride and groom are the stars of the event, they are introduced last.  Parents of the bride, parents of the groom, the bridesmaids and groomsmen, the best man and maid of honor are in this order.  Be sure to check names for correct spelling and pronunciations when providing the information to the person in charge of introductions.

Our wedding coordinators can offer other suggestions and ideas to make your wedding day as magical as you dreamed.

With This Ring

     We think the history behind the wedding traditions we've come to know is fascinating.  For example, the engagement process was nearly as important as the wedding itself.  Weddings were arranged primarily for political and/or business reason and not necessarily for the notion of "romantic love".
     In the days when brides were stolen, the bride's family would insist on being reimbursed for what was considered a working member of the family.  The engagement signified the transfer of ownership from father to husband and covered a period of time during which families would negotiate and agree on the "price" of the bride.
     The wedding band came to symbolize eternal love because it has neither a beginning nor an ending.  The tradition of using one grew out of the ancient custom of using circlets of grass to decorate a bride's wrist and ankles.  Although not required to validate a marriage under civil law, rings came to be required during the 16th century after a ruling from the Council of Trent.
     Today, rings are not required by law in order for a marriage to be legal, but few couples wed without exchanging rings as part of the ceremony.  I myself, vote for the diamond don't you ladies!!!

A Few Don'ts

     As society changes, so do the social amenities that prevailed.  But class is class and some things we see done in the name of the "princess bride's wishes" remain in poor taste.
     A bridal store reported having a bride ask how to let her guests know that she wanted all of them to dress in black or white or a combination of both.  Her wedding theme was that of a black and white ball and she didn't want it ruined by someone in a blue suit or a colorful print dress.  The store gave her good advice - "You Can't"! One doesn't tell people what to wear anymore than one would tell a hostess what kind of food to serve.  The bride can control the dress of the wedding party, but that is all. She had heard that phrase, "It's the brides day", but had to learn that it didn't mean everyone must bow to her wishes.  Friends can spread the word but no demands must be made.
     Another store reported dealing with a bride who wanted 250 guest to attend her wedding but she planned to walk away from the ceremony and to save money, meet 45 of her favorite guests for a sit down dinner at a restaurant.  The advice to her was Don't Do It!  She was advised that it would be far better to serve light refreshments to all guest following the ceremony.  This would give everyone a chance to extend their best wishes to the couple and socialize with others in attendance.  If she wished to celebrate with a special group of friends, she should do it after the official reception.  The guiding principle here is that a couple should never do anything to show preferences for one guest over another.
     The same advice holds for brides who insist on adding corner copy to their wedding invitation that reads:  Cash Gifts Preferred.  Granted, more and more couples would prefer cash as a help for a down payment on a house for instance, but that does not  mean it is okay to to include on the invitation to the ceremony.  That kind of news needs to be spread by word of mouth by the bride's family and friends, or may be included in the web-site if one has been created.  This kind of request is known in some circles as doing a "Kardashian".
     Let our experienced consultants help you solve puzzles and questions as they arise in the course of your planning needs.

Setting the Date

     He asked and you said"yes".  Congratulations to you both.  Your engagement period signals the beginning of a wonderful and exciting time in your lives.   Where to start?  Setting the date!
     As you consider various dates, times and places for your wedding, here are some points to think about.
     Think about your budget.  It is true that some months are more expensive than others. (Think about the Law of Supply and Demand you learned in Econ 101).  In popular months (usually May through September) some reception locations, photographers, florists and bands may charge more for their services.  If you can wait for a less crowded month, you may be able to stage the same wedding for less money.
     Think about the season.  If you have been dreaming of a Christmas wedding your whole life, then go for it.  But think about the time needed for preparations and plan accordingly.  If you want a certain church, a certain reception site and a certain gown and flowers, you have to adjust time frames.  Your answer is to book early and be prepared to be flexible on dates and /or times.
     If you are on a fast track at work or have a job that requires huge blocks of your time, be sure to engage the services of a professional wedding consultant.  We will end up saving you both time and sanity (and maybe even money).
     Consider scheduling your wedding around a holiday.  That can give you both a theme for the wedding and time for your out of town guests to attend.
     If your plans include a destination wedding, you will need to be more flexible in your dates and times.  Decide which is more important - the date of the wedding or the place of the wedding.  Once that decision is made, you can proceed.
     Our wedding planners are used to working with schedules and helping busy brides create a schedule for your event and follow through with all details necessary to create a day to remember for you and your guest.

Let the PLANNING BEGIN!!